Someone Please Knock Me Out.

I want this summer to end. Now. I feel like I'm going to end up physically and mentally exploding. If I could just curl into a fucking cocoon and hibernate I would do it in a second. It's my second day home and I already can't stand it here. I got invited to go an hour away to a dance club with friends I havent spent time with in forever. Of course the second i mention it my mom gets this bitchy look on her face. "oh this summer's starting off great." HA you told me... this morning she woke me up once and asked me to go walmart with her, I fell back asleep. Didn't ask again. i woke up and she was gone so I cleaned the house cause that's all my dad cares that I do. That's all he ever says to me when I'm home "bla bla bla you need to clean.. bla bla bla you're selfish you need to help around the house." while my brother sits his ass on the computer all day. My mom gets home from Walmart, slams around and pouts. Shuts herself in her room all day and doesn't talk to me. My dad comes home and calls me selfish and only caring for myself because I didnt wake up the first time she asked me. IF ANYONES SELFISH ITS NOT ME. All they care about is shit that will make them happy.I say Im gonna go with my friends to Erie, they gang up on me saying I should care about others feelings. I'm a horrible person for making my mom worry while I go and have some fun while I'm young. I leave and gets texts threatening me. Saying "You will suffer the consequences for you decisions." I told her how ridiculous it was watching everyones parents say "bye be careful have fun!" while my psycho mom is threatening me and telling me to come home or else. She doesnt reaalize how much she pushes me away. All my life. "You don't care about me, you don't text me enough." Im home and up her ass 24/7. Every one of my friends notices how much bullshit I put up with, but it's all me. I ended up not going because I was in tears and didn't want to ruin their time. She's no longer angry of course she got her effing way. But I can't be upset, GOD FORBID. she's already pissed that I didn't say I was happy to be home enough. WONDER WHHHHYYYYYYY. "You've been in a bad mood this whole week." HMM MAYBE BECAUSE MY BOYFRIEND OF ALMOST 4 YEARS BROKE UP WITH ME. Im going insane. I have honestly considered just downing a bottle of pills. I can't live my own life, if I do something wrong she'll end up going crazy and ending up in the hospital again. They dont realize how good they have it with me, any other 20 year old child would have told them to fuck off already. I can't even express how angry I am right now, I want these months to just vanish from existence. Or spend them so doped up on anti depressants I don't care about a thing. shit. I HATE My LIFE.


'im alright
i tell my self twice
in the mirror before i can't go to sleep at night
i need a lullaby, i need some time,
i need to get a dime bag from my guy'-eve6