This is probably the most unhappiest I have been in my entire life. I have absolutely NOTHING good going for me in the slightest. To top off these series of unfortunate events, I feel as if I'm seriously starting to lose my mind. I'm so depressed I want to do nothing but sleep all day. I've separated myself from the world because I feel it wants nothing to do with me, and I have nothing in common with it or anyone for that matter. Lately the kind of thoughts I discover floating through my head scare the shit out of me. I don't understand why I feel like I don't belong here, like I'm from another fucking planet.
This year... this horrid shit sack of a semester.. I have been sick non stop. Ear infections, fevers, dizziness, sinus infection, chest cold, headache. it NEVER stops. I hang out with no one and do nothing except smoke pot, do homework, read, write, and think. THINK THINK THINK. All my friends back home have proved themselves to be a fake waste of so many years. I honestly have grown to hate them for what they have become. Selfish, Self Indulged, Fake, Uncaring lies. Maybe I just hate the world.
I'm broke all the time, it's always raining and I have no shoes. I can't afford shoes.
I still feel uncomfortable with my roommates, maybe it's just people in general.
I don't understand Chemistry. why is everything tumbling down?
I'M COMPLAINING ABOUT MY LIFE ON A BLOG LIKE A WHINEY LITTLE TEENAGER
The biggest thing, the worst thing, the reason I want to crawl into a hole and sleep for eternity; I feel so alone. Would anyone in this world be able to comprehend the fucked up poetry I write and the weird questions I have? Would anyone in the world relate to my view of people and view of myself?
Im sitting in this cold white room, with a closet full of clothes I never wear cause I feel fat and exposed in most of them. This quiet room my possessions, sticky tack on the walls where I took down pictures that made me want to cry. This cold white room in this cold white house, my cold white hands are shaking
as i explode inside.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
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