just little random updates.

I spent the weekend at home cause I'm feeling pretty lonely at school, even though I'm lonely at home sometimes too in a twisted way. My roommate hasn't slept in the room in weeks, which I don't necessarily hate because I like privacy, but after two of my best friends dropped out it would be nice to have someone in the room while I sleep.
I worked 12-7 today at KFC, my feet are way out of shape. Standing for 7 hours almost killed me but the pay check will be nice.
So I figured out I'm going to be getting an apartment next year with a couple girls named Josie and Chelse. I've been hanging out with Josie a lot the past couple weeks, and when Chelse and I do hang out we usually get along well and laugh at people which is always fun. I think it will turn out alright, I'm sure our house will be quite relaxing. :P . Andrew and David stopped by yesterday to surprise me. I was super excited. I miss them so much... even though Andrew was a whiney pissy bitch the last month he was there, it still sucks cause I thought I would graduate college with the best friend that I've had since 2nd grade.
So I'm waiting on a call from Dav which probably won't happen. When he is in Warren he goes back to his stupid careless ways because I'm not the only person he knows so he thinks it's ok to blow me off and just apologize for it. Not so much. I remember everything and it's always in the back of my mind when I think about my future.
I'm laying in bed right now and my eyes are watering so bad from staring at this screen cause it's so bright. Tears are coming out the sides of my eyes, but I like it for some reason. it makes me feel like I'm cleaning out my tear ducts or something without being sad. The hamster is running on it's wheel really loudly and dav just messaged me on facebook. off to go be bitchy.

bitchfest!

Ever have one of those days where everyone you see you want to punch in the face? Where everything you do is unfulfilled. The food tastes like shit, the laughs feel plastic and machine-like, peoples voices give you headaches, the sun is a nuisance, the wind is annoying little 5 year old blowing in your face. Basically my day. I can't pinpoint an exact reason probably because there are about 20. I'm broke, I'm sure if I could go out and buy myself some new non ripped pants, or some milk for my munchie cereal, or anything for that matter, like spoiled bitches do it might brighten my mood. I can't schedule my classes. I'm not some super 'high class parents have thousands of dollars to throw my way every month' student, and they put a hold on my account. I'm sure every class I need is going to be filled and I'll be screwed with 8am classes I wont make it to cause I can't fall asleep til at least 4 in the morning. My mind won't let me. I barely have any true friends anymore. The kind of friends who will actually have your back. Friends you can depend on and who aren't just using you when they need you. Ones who actually call. One of the true friends I've made this year who has definitely always been there for me and had my back, rescued my ass numerous times. dropped out..
One thing that has made me happy/calmed me down/kept me sane the past couple weeks has been taken away from me also.
Yea Yea so what, I'm wallowing in self pity. Who cares, I'm allowed this is my blog. And I'm in an "I hate the world" kinda mood today. Cause the world is ugly, empty, and I'm just another one of the self pitying citizens who doesn't appreciate what they have. At least I can admit it.

Shrinking Universe

The heat feels so good. I swear that when the sun beats on my shoulders my heart just beats better, and I'm all together healthier. The lobster was also good today. My dad cooked up 6 huge red lobsters and we tore at them like animals in the backyard. I'm home for the weekend, and I do enjoy it, I just wish I could be myself at home without starting a war. I'm not going to get into it right now. I listened to A Day To Remember on the way home today with Dav, and I love that band. It sends chills down my spine, but mainly chills of memories... The couple months that we lived together feel like a distant dream. Homemade spaghetti dinners, late night trips to walmart, many "firsts", our puppy. Some of the best times of my life.
The last two weeks are a blur, I know they have been mostly good weeks with a couple bad days. The days just run together. I went to my first straight night club and got danced on by some creepy Palestinian that smiled like he'd never seen tits. I slept in. I had a very uncomfortable night that made me lose a lot of respect for certain men. I smoked lemon hookah for the first time with this boy named Brandon who drove all the way up from Pittsburgh just to smoke hookah and hang out for a few hours. My friend Elaina came up to visit a bunch of us and that was so much fun, I sincerely miss her. I spent a lot of time in the sun. Made a lot of bracelets. Painted my nails pink. Threw my back out making mac and cheese at 6 in the morning and had to be taken to the hospital. Enjoyed the pain meds they gave me. All in all, pretty damn eventful.
I've really been enjoying listening to Muse lately. They're music is especially inspiring for poetry. They probe my imagination glands. I seriously love words, music, poetry, concepts, imagination.
Last night Andrew and I went over to our friend Sean's house. We were feeling pretty fantastic. We shut off all the lights and played this jungle soundtrack on his surround sound. Shutting our eyes we seriously felt like we were in the jungle. The rain, the animals, the birds, they were everywhere. We played the sound of the ocean and saw the stars above our heads. We were laying in the sand, the foam of the ocean gently tapping our toes when the tide arose on the shore. A fire behind us was softly cracking behind us and keeping us warm between soft gusts of wind. The mind is so powerful if you let if overcome you completely and take control.
I also came up with a piece of a cheesy poem that I'm going to have to finish soon.-

i fall into the fire of your eyes,
and drown myself in overwhelming bliss.
consumed and warm my heart is twice its size,
the flaming hot desire of your kiss.

well let's hope these muscle relaxers the doctors prescribed me will help me pass out soon so I can wake up early and soak up some sunshine. night.